Lawyer Jokes - Funny Lawyer Jokes for Laughs (Adams Hilarious Joke Books Book 8)

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Judges, Judging and Humour.

Philosophy of Humor

Front Matter Pages i-xxiii. Pages Front Matter Pages Judicial Regulation of Humour in the United States. Back Matter Pages Two actuaries are duck hunting. They see a duck in the air and they both shoot. The actuaries give each other high fives, because on average they shot it. Several variations on this: golf shots; head in refrigerator and feet in oven; etc. An actuary is a person, who passes as an expert on the basis of a prolific ability to produce an infinite variety of incomprehensive figures calculated with micrometric precision from the vaguest of assumptions based on debatable evidence from inconclusive data derived by persons of questionable reliability for the sole purpose of confusing an already hopelessly befuddled group of persons who never read the statistics anyway!

Submitted by Kathleen Miller at Kathleen. Miller state. What did God say when he created Actuaries? Submitted by Terry Alfuth at actuary metronet. Actuaries are people who skipped the first six grades of school … when all the other kids were learning short words.

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Submitted by Terry Alfuth Actuaries like to have fun … when nobody is watching. A lawyer, an accountant, and an actuary are arguing over whether it is better to have a married spouse or an unmarried lover. The accountant says a spouse because you can get a tax deduction with a spouse. Submitted by Dave Powell Question: What do actuaries use as contraceptives? Answer: Their personality; Submitted by Steve Pummer at pummer cybergate.

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  6. Submitted by Mark Simon at Mark. Simon acs-hro. A consulting actuary is a person who, when asked what time it is, tells you how to build a watch. Submitted by Steve Pummer A consulting actuary dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter and a crowd of well-wishers. Your billings indicate that you must be at least !

    A group of lawyers and a group of actuaries are travelling by train to conferences in the same city. The lawyers were surprised to see that the actuaries had only bought one train ticket for the entire group. When the conductor entered the front of the car, all of the actuaries got up and went into the same bathroom.

    As the conductor went down the aisle, the lawyers dutifully handed him their tickets. As the conductor entered the front of the car, all of the lawyers got up and went into the same bathroom. And then there is the actuary who was so dull the other actuaries noticed.

    Evil Lawyer Joke - TV Tropes

    You only have six months to live. Winstead at winstead mlode. Actuarial bumper sticker: Old actuaries never die; they just get broken down by age and sex. Submitted by Gerard Farmar at OM exchange. Submitted by Bob Reuter at UltimateLife bellsouth.

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    An actuary, an underwriter, and an insurance salesperson are riding in a car. The salesperson has his foot on the gas, the underwriter has his foot on the brake, and the actuary is looking out the back window telling them where to go. The company president is behind the wheel, squinting to see while looking through a dust-covered windshield. The claims person is on the roof tossing out dollar bills. Last sentence attributed to Rick Dorman An actuary is someone who expects everyone to be dead on time. Submitted by Submitted by Cuz Maydak at CMaydak wow. Submitted by Finlay Marshall at finlaymarshall giffordvale.

    What is the difference between God and an actuary? Submitted by R. Question: Why did the metalhead i. Answer: He wanted to get paid to predict death and destruction. Submitted by Mattison Narramore at mattison panix. Question: How many actuaries does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: a How many did it take last year? Submitted by Steve Mildenhall at mildhall ix. Kaplan at qmak usa.

    Kaplan An actuary, two accountants and a hippie were flying in a four seat plane when the actuary calculated it was highly probable they would run out of gas and crash over the sea if they did not parachute to safety over land soon. The accountants found the parachutes and after several minutes of calculations came back together to announce there were only three parachutes, but four people.

    With this decided, the actuary promptly grabbed a parachute and jumped out. I wish I could have gotten my pot out of my backpack before that actuary jumped out with it. An engineer, an architect and an actuary are stranded on a desert island with only one can of baked beans and no can opener. The engineer suggests lighting a fire to heat up the can so that the contents will expand and force the can to open.

    The architect says the contents would scatter all over the place, so he suggests building a structure around the fire to catch the contents. Submitted by Jon Lavi at cahal netvision. An actuary is standing by an empty swimming pool. There is no water in the pool.

    Submitted by Daniel Kligman at dandeepoet earthlink. A psychologist was studying the problem-solving abilities of engineers and actuaries.

    Provoking Thoughts on Life, Death, and Writing

    Question: What do you call an actuary who is talking to someone? Answer: Popular. Submitted by Lawrence Tsui at ltsui laurel. A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. Actuaries are very good at numbers — so good they even do sex by numbers. They know different sexual positions.

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    Submitted by Colin Priest at cpriest sunalliance. A doctor, an engineer and an actuary were arguing about which was the oldest profession. The engineer argued that, earlier, God had created order from chaos, which was an engineering feat. Submitted by Colin Priest Answer: The sperm has a one in a million chance of becoming a human being. Submitted by Mark Scanlon at mark southernlife. Question: How do you keep an actuary in the shower all day? Submitted by Kirk Fleming at KirkFleming compuserve.

    Trendy clothing store for actuaries: the GAAP. Submitted by Peter Jarvis at Peter-Jarvis msn. Commutation function: an actuary driving to work. Submitted by Peter Jarvis Did you hear the one about the actuary who walked into Abar …? Submitted by Peter Jarvis. He sat down and told the continuous story of his whole life. Joke improved by Anonymous. Bad News: On February 2, the actuary stuck his head out of his office and saw his shadow. That means six more weeks of year-end.

    Now, do you still want to tell that joke? Definition of an actuarial paper: A triangle circumscribed by a square. If someone else is claiming this page, then he or she stole it. An actuary is walking down the corridor when he feels a twinge in his chest. Immediately, he runs to the stairwell and hurls himself down. His friend, visiting him in the hospital, asks why he did that. US Submitted by Kelly Wagner Question: What do you get when you cross a male actuary and a female actuary?

    Answer: Magnitude of male actuary times magnitude of female actuary times sine of the angle between them. Question: What do you get when you cross an actuary and an a mountain climber? Submitted by Robin Damm at rsndamm acs. An underwriter takes his two actuaries into a restaurant. An actuary is a person that measures the length of a room by stepping one foot in front of the other, and then uses a micrometer to measure the final remaining position.